Pretty in the Mornings
by symphonyofsilence
Summary: Ikkaku made Yumi mad and somehow Renji gets dragged into the fight.


**Rating:** PG 13 (Adult situations, coarse language)  
**Pairing:** Ikkaku/Yumichika, Renji/Shuuhei  
**Characters:** Ikkaku, Renji, Yumichika  
**Word Count:** 1944  
**Warnings:** Adult language, mentions of sex  
**Summary:** Ikkaku might have made Yumi mad, and pulls Renji into the fight.

Ok I have no idea about 16 Rukongai district, I just used it because I thought the number was pretty (Totally a Yumi moment on my part)

Now without further ado...

* * *

Renji should have known something was off the moment Ikkaku showed up at his office that Friday evening. The man rarely ever showed his bald head at the sixth division, something about not wanting to deal with Kuchiki-hime or some such. But he had made an appearance, poking his bald head into Renji's office with a terse comment about Renji working too hard and telling him they needed to go for a drink.

When Ikkaku told Renji to mask his reiatsu as they left Seireitei Renji was certain something was up but when he asked the third seat about it he shrugged it off.

"It's nothing, just a long week is all, I don't want to deal with anyone. Ya got that?" He grumbled from over his shoulder, hauling Renji along behind him.

"Sure, it's fine it's just that you're acting kinda strange here."

"I said it's nothing now come on. I need a drink and bad." He growled and pulled Renji into a place in one of the nicer areas of Rukongai.

When they got there Renji was positively on edge. Ikkaku had brought him to a very un-Ikkaku-like place. It had large bright windows, tables that had table cloths on them… even a _waiter_.

If that wasn't odd enough Ikkaku Then did the unthinkable – he paid for the drinks, and not just the usual rotgut crap, it was some of the best sake in the house. After knowing Ikkaku for so long he was absolutely positive that something had gone wrong, very, very wrong. That or the earth suddenly stopped turning. After the waiter left to bring them the bottle the bald man had ordered Renji decided to speak up.

"What did you do Ikkaku? Did you burn eleventh division down or something?" Ikkaku shook his head and a dark understanding started to dawn on the redhead. The only time Ikkaku would ever go to a place even remotely like this was to hide from his boyfriend, it was the last place anyone would look for the eleventh division third seat, which brought Renji's unease at the situation up a few more rungs. The waiter returned with a bottle and placed it neatly on the table.

Ikkaku shrugged uncomfortably and took rather a long time to pour the sake, first Renji, and then himself.

"I might have said something to make Yumi mad." He mumbled, cheeks going an uncharacteristic pink.

"What did you say to Yumichika?" Renji gave a heavy sigh and waited for the story to come out. Ikkaku shuffled a little in his seat.

"We _might_ have gotten into an argument."

"I kinda put that together, I'm not a total dumbass you know. So what did you say to him?"

Ikkaku tipped his cup and swallowed all of it in one go, then looked up to meet eyes with the redhead.

"See it went like this. You know how we got those new recruits?" Renji nodded at that. Sixth division had also gotten a batch of new recruits that week as well. "I was training them up, you know, to see how tough they were. Everything was going fine, Kenpachi told us to take them through the swamps behind 16th Rukongai district." Renji shuddered at the thought. It was the most disgusting bog he had ever seen in either the spirit world OR the living world. Miles and miles of thick sludge-like mud interspersed with pathetic little clumps of yellow grass, and to make matters worse it stunk to high heaven.

"When I got back Yumi told me I stunk like a baboon."

"That's probably because you did smell like one." Renji chuckled and took a sip of his sake.

"This coming from the fucker who has a baboon for a zanpakuto."

"Hey shut up this isn't about me you asshole. And Zabimaru aint ALL baboon, he's part snake too ya know." Renji folded his arms against his chest and gave Ikkaku a cold stare.

"Yeah yeah whatever. You want me to finish my story? It involves you too." Ikkaku lifted his bald head another inch, looking down his nose at the redhead.

"Me? How does this involve me?"

"Just listen and I'll tell ya." Ikkaku took another sip from his drink and Renji sat back in his seat to hear the story. "So as I was saying Yumi said I stunk like a baboon and after going through all that swampland and not killing anything I was pretty pissed so we got into an argument…. And one thing led to another and… I might have told him he looked really ugly in the mornings."

"Well that explains why you're hiding from him." Renji said with a snort of laughter. Ikkaku gave him a dirty look but decidedly ignored the comment and kept on with his story.

"And he gets all pissy at me and tries to tell me that it's not true. I already know I'm not getting laid for a good week anyways for what I said and I'm so pissed at him that… well I tell him that I wasn't the only one that thought so." Ikkaku lowered his head to drink another cup and refill it. Renji unfolded his arms from across his chest to put both hands on the table, a horrible feeling working up from under his breastbone.

"Oh no…" _No he wouldn't…_

"Well you did say that, when we were drinking that time."

"I told you that the only time he didn't look _perfect_ was _probably_ in the mornings! I didn't agree with you at all!" Renji yelled, drawing a few curious looks from the tables around them.

"Well the damage is done now. Ya want another drink?" The bald man said in a matter of fact tone. He raised his hand to wave the waiter over to get another sake bottle as he had drunk almost the entirety of the first to himself.

"No I want you to tell your pissed off boyfriend that I had nothing to do with this. If he finds me he's gonna try and kick the shit outta me. We both know how he gets when people tell him he aint pretty."

"Heh I know. Misery loves company though don't it?" Ikkaku said with a laugh. The waiter dropped off a second bottle and Renji snatched it from the man's hands and pulled the cork out with his teeth, then took a long swig.

"Not if it's your company ya dumb fuck." The redhead said after a deep swallow. "You brought me here for a last drink didn't you?" He asked plaintively, sure in the understanding that once Yumichika found him he would die, and in the prettiest way possible, just to prove a point.

Ikkaku's eyes were still on his cup.

"So I was thinking I could bunk with you for the night. I'm sure Shuuhei won't mind."

"Oh hell no. You're going back home so you can fix this with Yumichika."

"Well it's either your place or Iba's, and Iba snores loud enough to bring the house down and I won't be able to get any sleep."

"Remind me how that's my problem."

"C'mon it's only one night." Ikkaku almost sounded desperate.

"Che, only one night. Riiiight and once Yumichika finds you there he's gonna kick both our asses at the same time, then me and Shuuhei will have to sleep in the barracks. He has bankai remember? I don't need your angry boyfriend tearing my house into toothpicks."

"Toothpicks?" Ikkaku looked confused.

"Yeah, little stick things, about this big, saw them in the living world once." Renji lifted his hand and held up his thumb and index finger to give him an example.

By this time the waiter had come back with a strained look on his face. "Sirs… I would respectfully ask that you keep the noise level to a minimum."

"Ya? Well listen here bucko we paid good money to sit here and we can make as much noise as we damn well want. DAMN WELL WANT!" Ikkaku shouted the last bit out and slammed his fist down on the table for emphasis, drawing more curious stares and a few annoyed glances from the surrounding tables.

"That's it, I'm going home." Renji said standing. He saw the other man getting up from his seat as well and gave him a hard look. "Why are you getting up?" He asked petulantly.

"Because I'm crashing on your couch." Ikkaku said in a hopeful voice.

"I don't see any couch with your name on it other than yours. You're going home. I'm just gonna call this a night and try and avoid Yumi for the rest of my life. No thanks to you." Renji slid the chair he was sitting on into the table with a loud screeching noise and started walking towards the door.

"Hey I let you stay on my couch when you and _Shuu-chan_ got into a fight a while back remember?" Ikkaku had grabbed the sleeve of Renji's uniform, effectively holding him in place.

"Yeah well I didn't haul your stinky baboon ass into that argument now did I?" Renji was trying with little luck to pull away from the maniacal grip on his upper arm.

"Sirs If you do not keep the noise level down…" The waiter had returned looking scared but firm in his resolve.

"Yeah yeah I'm leaving. You can go wherever the hell you want but not to my house." He told the bald man and with a final yank he removed Ikkaku's death grip from his uniform.

"You're such a fucker, you know that?"

"Goodnight Ikkaku." Renji growled and left the building. Ikkaku sat very still in his seat and after a few moments, when he was sure Renji had in fact left he put his elbows on the table, and placed his bald head in his hands with a groan.

"Is he gone?" Yumi's voice chirruped happily from across the room a few minutes later.

"Ya. Totally bought it too." The bald man lifted his head and grinned when Yumi appeared. He handed the fifth seat his own cup, taking Renji's almost full one and drinking it all in one swallow.

"You know after being in the living world for so long you would think he knew about April fool's day." Yumichika said with a disdainful sniff as he sat in Renji's vacated chair.

"Che. What a dumbass." Ikkaku refilled his own cup and lifted the bottle towards his companion. "Ya want some sake Yumi?"

"Yes please." The two shared a smile and drank in silence for a time before a thought came to Ikkaku.

"So if it's called April fools day… Aint it supposed to be in April or something?" Ikkaku inquired. Yumi shrugged.

"Probably. I didn't really find out."

"Huh. These humans have some pretty cool holidays."

"Don't they though?" Yumi agreed with a knowing glimmer in his eyes. "You know you were very convincing back there." He leaned in, placing a hand on Ikkaku's upper thigh.

"Oh yeah?" The glimmer was now in both their eyes.

"Yes, clearly a mastermind." Yumi's voice turned soft and seductive, making Ikkaku shiver just the tiniest bit.

"Well I was thinking this mastermind could haul you into the bathroom and give that waiter over there something real to complain about." Ikkaku whispered into Yumichika's ear, nipping the lobe just a little.

"Oh I like that idea." Yumichika giggled. They finished their drinks, then nonchalantly walked to the bathroom together.

This was why Ikkaku loved Yumi, not only was he beautiful, smart, funny and strong, but he was conniving as hell and damn it, he was _loud_.

* * *

~Symphonyofsilence

Please comments are welcome! I would love to hear your thoughts :)


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